Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
