If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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