I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
