Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
