She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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