I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
