You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
