Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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