So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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