Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
