do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize