We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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