those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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