Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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