your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
