So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize