she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
