When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
