I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
