I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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