and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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