it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
