Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
