Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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