He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
