I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
