Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
