I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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