I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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