I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
