Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
