new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
