I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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