I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it's like iHOP with fire
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
