why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
