he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
