bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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