I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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