dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
