people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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