oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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