He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
