kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
