After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
