i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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