im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
