there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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