Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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