Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
