There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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