Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
