you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
