I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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