office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Someone signed my nipple.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
