well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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