i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love you. Go after that dick
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
