dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
