so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
