I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
