I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
