Sponge bath it is.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
