The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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