We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
