I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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